Total Art Soul - for artists

Well, it never felt like I was really pushing myself to go beyond what I felt was my "discomfort" zone in my art... but at the same time, I really have been.  For the past year, my husband's and my life have been in extreme turmoil... it's still dragging on.  Our personal relationship is strong (and has been for almost 23 years) but we are facing a really scary future.  I cannot give details right now.

Since I created my first blog, I've finally allowed myself to turn inwards and explore the anxiety and stress that our situation has created and to allow that exploration to present itself onto canvas.  First, it is saving my sanity, secondly... I really don't know if it's creating provocative art.

Should I care?  Maybe I shouldn't, but I do.  My own inhibitions, my own anal hangups on past training, has kept me too restrictive in how I approach my materials, my vision, my techniques.  Time to get messy?  Definitely yes.

Baby step, by baby step... I am finally starting to push beyond those self imposed boundaries.  Explore a little more, be a little more comfortable in my own artistic "skin".

What has helped?  Discovering encaustic painting.

Almost 2 months ago, my family and I spent part of a day visiting other artists at their studios during the Portland Open Studio tours.  2 of the studios were encaustic artists.  Now, I've heard of encaustics, seen many of them, but had never really understood the process or knew how to do it.  I thought it was way beyond me, financially and creatively, for many years.

So, what did I do?  I signed up for a 4 week workshop... then fell in love.  Thank goodness for a very patient, loving & supportive husband.  Since that first class, I have become completely obsessed with encaustics.  My own home studio is now step up and I've been doing encaustics on an almost daily basis (curses to family visits, holiday events, weekends where my kids & hubby need me, getting sick... lol).  My children are now learning how to do encaustics, and are also falling in love with it.

Why did I fall in love?  For the first time in my artistic (and architectural drafting) life, I LET GO.  There was no forethought. No expectations. No control freak issues to get in the way of just creating.  I had no real control over the wax, the flame... no real thought on what I was trying to create.  Just playing, relaxing, enjoying the process.

Wow.

That was a first.  It is even creeping into how I approach oil painting... finally!

And so it continues

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So, you have caught me doing my very first blog.  It's rather intimidating.  First, and foremost, I have never considered myself a writer in any sense of the word; second, why waste the time mulling my thoughts on paper when I'd rather be in the studio painting?

I promise nothing in this.  If you find yourself still reading this, should I apologize in advance?

Last night, I got into a brief Twitter discussion with another artist and it lead to some rather deep introspection of myself as an artist and what it means to be an artist.  I am not going to go into really deep psychoanalysis about my thoughts at this time... mainly because it will just be a wonderful excuse to quit doing this, and secondly, I think I just need to take baby steps.

So, where did this discussion lead? Well, it started with my ponderings on why pears are such a prevalent subject matter in art?  I mean really, why?  Of course, in all my years of painting, I've never painted a pear.  The woman I was chatting with, did one, and now is obsessed with pears.  Her avatar is one of her painted pears.  We never did discuss the deep conscious/subconscious reasons for this obsession, but it did pique my interest enough to experiment myself.

I have absolutely no question in myself that I am quite capable of painting a lovely pear.  I do question what I will get out of it.  I will report, as necessary, as soon as I start.

Another topic that was broached was the Bravo show - Work of Art, the  Next Great Artist.

Maybe I am just a complete ignoramus as an artist, but I was completely fascinated with the program... as long as you look past the forced melodrama and narcissism.  I am the first to accuse myself of not painting/creating outside of the box.  I've had enough negative things happen in my life... I just don't really feel like doing a postmortem on it.  I want to paint beauty, so I paint beauty.  Where has that gotten me?  Nowhere, really.

On the show, there were subject matters that have NEVER crossed my mind to explore.  Geez, I guess I should have paid a little more attention in my studies back in college... but I was always daydreaming.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I think I really really need to start pushing my own boundries and really truly start exploring art.  Wow, even as I type that, I start having a panicky feeling creep in around the edges.  Hmmmm, now I really need to push myself.

Soooooo... I'm off.

To be continued.... :-)

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