Disability strikes home

Posted by: Shep

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Shep

When i was told that the damage to my back and the nerves was permanent and that i wouldn't regain the use of my leg i took it on the chin and thought right lets get on, there is nothing that they can do so its damage limitation time!! i took the offer of an OP to stop any further loss of mobility after being told that there was a chance of being totally paralysed from the waist down .. who wouldn't ?? then it was down to dealing with the day to day reality of pain management, DLA claims,   uurrgh what a nightmare!!  mobility, adapting a car so i could drive, the list of things is endless and there isn't anyone to tell you whats available, trying to get help or advise is like getting blood from a stone unbelievably difficult, but you slowly find things out, some one tells you of  a wheel chair scheme or constant pestering gets you an OT, in fact it is such a busy time that stopping to think about what has happened and truly facing and understanding the dramatic change in life kind of gets pushed a side .. but it is there you have to face what has occurred eventually and bang it hits out of the blue ..well at least this is what happened to me the other week,  it was like all of the emotion that i didn't have at the beginning was stored up waiting like a predator in the back ground & boy did it pounce i felt l all the energy, life, spark just drain away there was nothing just an empty hollow black feeling i couldn't see the point of getting up, of eating of doing anything i certainly had no artistic inclinations whatsoever, it didn't just go away either, each day was the same and as  the days were going on i was sinking further, but you know there is no one who you can talk to, no help or therapy has been offered, so it is your nearest n dearest who have to try and cope and support you, now I'm not one for giving in and i knew i would come through and sure enough after a week or two, i felt a tiny spark in side, that was all i needed to get going again and could start to paint and get up in the morning and see the positive side of life , but it has made me aware that there are things that need addressing and i need to get some help to talk over how to cope not just physically but mentally and emotionally with becoming disabled .i write this because i want  to let you know that  i am still here and why i haven't posted anything just lately , i am painting again and will have something new to post up very soon, also i want to thank all of you who support me here, on my Blog, facebook and twitter your support is invaluable, although you may not have known it you have given me so much through your comments or just by following, thank you from the bottom of my heart love n respect as all ways shep xx

Comments (3)Add Comment
artbyjude
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written by artbyjude, July 06, 2010
Andy/Shep, you're such a lovely bloke and I'm so sorry you suffer on a daily basis. I'm privileged to have you as a friend on Twitter and FB and I think your artwork is truly brilliant. Your paintings of boats and the sea just make me feel so tranquil and at peace. You know where I am if you ever need to chat. I know how it feels so even if you just need a moan, I'm here. Big hugs matey xxxxx
Cathy
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written by Cathy, July 07, 2010
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Life is bloody cruel sometimes. Feeling depressed is not funny. I equate it to slipping down a gravel pit and you constantly struggle to climb back up only to slip a little bit further down again. My daughter had stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma, honestly didn't think she would pull through so the feeling of helplessness and not being in control were really bad. Thankfully she pulled through and has been in remission for 2 years now, a happy ending indeed.

When she was first told, she was 18, she wouldn't get out of bed, stayed in her dressing gown all day and just moped around. She had to stop her studies due to the risk of infection but she was able to do things when she felt up to it so there was no reason why she should sit around. She cried a lot too, understandably, she was in shock. She kept saying that she didn't have a choice, that she had to go through this and that she had no control over any of it.

I told her that she did have a choice and that she could take control. She could either go through this in her pyjamas and feel miserable, or she could choose to go through it making the most of her spare time, of not having to study and being able to look after her little half sisters more. I told her that she could entirely control how the next year was going to be. She got dressed that day and the following day, at her sisters' school, she asked them if she could do voluntary work to which they agreed. We were very concerned because of the risk of infection but I felt that mentally, it was really important for her to do it. She absolutely loved it, and even the days where she was throwing up, she still struggled in because she didn't want to let the children down. Suddenly, the emphasis was on them and not her illness. She taught me so much.

She has just finished her 1st year of teacher training at university and is going to Canada to work as an au pair this summer.

I tell you this story because my daughter was a true inspiration to me, even though she has always been a difficult child. Every cloud has a silver lining, if only we could see it.

I hope you don't think I'm making light of your situation Andy, we all went through hell for a long time but I hope that it can show you that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Shep
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written by Shep, July 20, 2010
Thankyou both for your comments and support, sometimes Jude that is excactly what we need just to have five minutes moan a quick break from the brave face, it can be enough to get us going again so thankyou i think that is a concept that anyone who hasnt gone through something would find hard to understand. Cathy i really appreciate everything you have written, that must have been such a difficult and emotional time for all of you, i am fortunate to have had quite a full life and all the lessons ive learnt along the way are paying dividends now, it is easier as you get older to understand that no matter how hard things may seem you never no whats just round the corner and the best times of my life may yet to have come . shep

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